Sometimes your hearts desire to help someone can turn into you shaking your head, distraught, used and abused, and wondering how did I get duped? You may have set out to do the right thing, to help someone while the recipient has set out to take advantage. You thought you covered all the angles, but then you find yourself saying, if I could do it all over I would do things differently. You continuously shake your head in dismay and say how did I let this happen?
This feeling is not about regret because your intentions were in the right place, and I don't believe you should ever regret trying to be helpful. It is more about realizing you went about things the wrong way. Many times this may simply be because you didn't have a plan to start out with. You never focused on the order of things. You didn't begin with Setting Precedence.
What does it mean to Set Precedence? I love the very first definition of Set in dictionary.com which is to put (something or someone) in a particular place. Furthermore, the initial definition of Precede to go before, as in place, order, rank, importance or time, which you must do when Setting Precedence.
What does the collaboration of these words mean to me? It means that when you Set Precedence within your life you are acknowledging that you have the ability to set up your life. You create the order of importance. If you can Set the Precedence, then it is you who must own the first ranking. You are the primary and everything else is secondary. The best way to help someone is by maintaining your position to be able to help.
If we begin to think of ourselves first we will also realize what might not be in our best interest. How will this affect me? If I don't like it, well then maybe it is time to make some adjustments. Another definition of Set used mostly in the theater, is to arrange the scenery. If we are the directors of our very own reality show then it is true that we can also control the scenery. If something is out of place fix it, if something is causing your scenery to become unattractive eliminate it.
Clearly stating what you are offering is also helpful. You may offer someone your last hot dog off your plate, and the next thing you know they have your fries and your drink as well. Guess what, now you don't have lunch. It is okay to sacrifice sometimes, but remember you also have to eat. To avoid this, make sure to demonstrate your Set Precedence clearly, be it by voice, in an email whichever way you can communicate your plan. To Precede has an additional meaning which is to introduce by something preliminary. A simple statement like, "I can help and here's how I can do it..." state clearly what you are offering so there is no confusion at a later date.
Many people may talk behind your back when you do this, they may say "He/She didn't really want to help. They named set stipulations before helping me." These are most likely the ones who have their own "goals" in mind. A good example of this would be people who prefer to offer a homeless person food instead of money. I have personally witnessed a beggar stating they are hungry only to deny a fresh apple or sandwich, which can lead one to believe they were begging for reasons other than hunger.
I am drawn to helping others. However, sadly I have experienced lending a helping hand which some how led to my arms, legs and neck as well. To avoid being eaten alive, I suggest Setting Precedence. It's Important.
Weighing Setting Precedence
Submitted by: Jamees Wright
Weight Total: 800 lbs Important
